


Permutations of Us

by BrusselsSprout



Series: Season 5 Stories [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Banter, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Not Really Character Death, POV Jemma Simmons, Romance, Speculation, season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-03 06:09:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13335090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrusselsSprout/pseuds/BrusselsSprout
Summary: Fitsimmons reflect on the future, Fitz solves (kind of) the time travel paradox, while Jemma is put to the test if she really prefers Fitz in cardigans.COMPLETE





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "permutation"
> 
> (noun)  
> each of several possible ways in which a set or number of things can be ordered or arranged.  
> MATHEMATICS  
> the action of changing the arrangement, especially the linear order, of a set of items.

Jemma nestles her head contentedly on Fitz’s chest, listening to his even breaths and steady heartbeat, while he plays absent-mindedly with her hair. The days after he appeared so miraculously to save them from Kasius have been difficult. But now they were getting close; they found the monolith, and with some luck tomorrow they would get back to their own time.

“So, you haven’t told me yet, what kind of wedding you planned?” he asks quietly.

“What makes you think I planned one?” she counters playfully unable to hide her smile.

“Well, for one you proposed to me…”  Fitz says– “oh, let’s not start that argument again” she interjects quickly,  “and I know you – you always have a plan. And then a backup plan and a backup-backup plan as well, in case something goes wrong.” Fitz snickers.

“Well, OK. Maybe there was a time when I imagined a big wedding with out extended families. But now. I’m thinking about something quiet and simple. After all, SHIELD is back in the shadows.” she confesses finally.

“And technically, I am on the lam.” Fitz nods, adding quietly.

“Yeah, right. I forgot about that part.” Jemma says, imagining if someone told her ten years ago that shy and timid Fitz would end up as fugitive, she would have laughed in their face. And yet here they are, in 2091, on the remnants of the earth they still don’t quite understand how it fell apart.

“So, no parachute jumping?” he asks with a smirk. She shudders, “No, I think we can exclude diving too.” The nightmares that have long haunted their dreams have faded a bit, overwritten in the darker imprints of newer horrors. Every time they imagined nothing worse can happen, they have been proven wrong.

“Yes. Most definitely. How about a planetarium?” he asks.

“Oh, I think I’ve had a lifetime of space.” she sighs immediately. The stars that have once inspired her as a child, now feel like thousands of mocking eyes.

“Courtroom then.” they both say at the same time.

 Jemma raises her head to look into Fitz’s eyes. “How did you get through it?” she asks.

“Prison?” he shrugs. “Well, I spent most of the time coming up with crazy theories about what happened to you. And yelled at the TV watching football.”

“Of course, you did.” Jemma says and she can almost imagine him getting frustrated, the same way he always has whenever the solution to a particular problem didn’t come to him. “Did you figure it out?”

Fitz shakes his head. “Not even close. The closest I got was an alien abduction.”

“I bet that went down well with the military.” Jemma notes drily.

“No, they were about to take my TV away, but luckily Hunter intervened.”

Jemma closes her eyes and sighs. “I miss Hunter. And Bobbi.”

“Me too.” Fitz agrees as he kisses softly her forehead.

Then something occurs to Jemma, “Since we are all illegal again, I guess we can invite them to the wedding?”

“Yes, definitely.” Fitz nods enthusiastically. “It wouldn’t be the same without them”. Then he asks “And what happens after?”

“After what?” Jemma doesn’t quite understand where he is going with all this. They have always been good at talking in parables and similes – this direct line of questioning feels out of place. But his hand keeps caressing her back, and she is lost in the sensation.

“After we get married and save the world, of course?” he asks lightly and cocks an eyebrow, but she notices a slight trembling in his voice she cannot place.

“I don’t know, Fitz. I suppose we’ll finally get that place together.” Jemma can not imagine anything she wants more than starting a real home with him. She longs for the mundane; picking colours for the curtain, assembling furniture together on the floor, taking an empty space and filling it with their essence as couple.

“With space for Bridget on the wall.” he nods.

“Right, always focus on the important details.” she mocks him gently.

“Yeah, like a breakfast nook.” Fitz snorts. Then after a pause he asks “What about children?”

Jemma wonders. It is not something she thought about much, until recently. But since whenever she imagined their future together, somehow the cottage always had a swing set in the garden and sometimes she even saw a child with unruly curls and sparkling blue eyes looking at her. “I suppose, yes. I mean it was always something down the line – but, yeah, I guess, the line is getting closer. I want it all with you. Do you?”

“Yes, absolutely. I’d love a little girl, exactly like you. Curious, kind, funny, amazing. I’ll teach her how to make pancakes, because we both know I’m the better pancake-chef and we’ll build stuff together – I mean, obviously, I don’t have the best role models what it means to be a father…”  he wanders off and Jemma quickly interrupts him lacing her fingers into his “You’ll figure it out, Fitz. You will be an amazing father, I have no doubt.”

“Thank you.” his voice breaks a little with emotion as he continues, “For believing in me – that there’s still good in me. Without that I would have never made it after the Framework. You saved me, in every way possible all these years, and us, together is all I ever wanted.” he says now solemnly. There’s a lump in her throat.

“Me too, Fitz. And we’ll make it together.” she says with conviction, because tomorrow they are going home to fix the past, to live the present, to plan the future.

“I’m sure we will.” he says kissing her softly.

+++++

The Kree are closing in on the team as they try to make their way to the portal.

“We’ll never make it, if we don’t hurry.” says Mack.

Fitz suddenly stops and pulls out his gun. “Go. I’ll hold them off.”

“What? No.” says Jemma in a sharp voice. The others are staring at him in disbelief.

“Fitz, you don’t have to do this.” Coulson puts a hand on his shoulder.

“I want to do this…” he says, then he adds facing them “I can’t go back, anyways.”

“What?” they ask him at once.

“Think about it. It would create a time paradox. If I go back, there would be two copies of me – I’m pretty sure that’s not supposed to happen. We can’t risk it.” He explains calmly. Jemma’s mind is racing in panic. She hasn’t thought of this, she was so happy to have him back – they simply cannot be torn apart again.

“How long have you known? And when were you going to tell me?” she asks him accusingly.

“Enoch and I talked about it a while ago. It’s the safest play. I’m sorry Jemma, I didn’t want you to worry about it.” he says begging her with his eyes to understand.

“This is ridiculous. I’m staying too then.” she retorts angrily, tears gathering in her eyes.

“No, you have to go back to…, well, me. I’m 99% sure I’ll be there and I will need you, Jemma.” he says taking her hand. Then he turns to the others “You have to go and break me out of the Blue Raven Ridge, a top-secret military prison. By the way they have the Zephyr there too and all the SHIELD stuff.  I wrote down the directions. Also to the Lighthouse. Nobody knows about the place, so it will be a perfect place of operations. And then you have to figure out how to save that world. For me, this universe here is the end of the line.”

Jemma steps closer and embraces him tightly. “What about the part where you promised that you won’t leave me again. You can’t die.” she whispers.

“I guess I won’t technically. Just this permutation of me. But I also don’t want to live without you, Jemma. I’m doing this so we can be together, in the time where we both belong. And if I can save you here, now, please, let me…  I heard anyways that you prefer me in cardigans…” he adds with a wistful smile.

“Your new look was starting to grow on me.” she looks at him, tears running down her face. “You won’t remember any of this; our engagement.”

“I’ll still be me, so I’ll get to try again.” He cups her face and looks in her eyes.  “And this time, maybe I won’t botch up the proposal. I love you more than the world, Jemma.”

“I… love you too. Always.”

“I know. Go, now. It’s… OK… I’ll see you back there.”

Jemma is dragged away by Daisy and Coulson. She keeps looking back at Fitz, who smiles at her calmly, as he clutches his weapon to prepare for the fight. She knows he is right, but can’t help feeling the intense pain in her heart. Because even though Fitz is waiting for her somewhere in the past, will he still be _her_ Fitz?

+++++++++

 

“Everyone’s clear on the plan?” Jemma asks.

 

“I thought that was my line.” smiles Coulson. ”We’ll get on the base in a repair van. Yoyo and I will create a diversion. May and Mack will get the Zephyr ready and load our equipment on it. Daisy and you will grab Fitz. Then you’ll get the hell out. We’ll meet at the rendezvous point.”

“Right. Let’s do it.” she nods.

Jemma lets out a relieved sigh, when they cross the guard post without a hitch. Daisy and her climb out of the hidden compartment of the van and make their way towards the building where Fitz is held according to the map he made. Jemma nervously thinks about what if Fitz was wrong? What if this timeline is not their original one? What if he is not there?

“This is it.” Daisy says, motioning Jemma to step closer. They listen and when the sirens start Daisy quakes the walls until a hole is made.

Jemma sighs in relief when she hears the familiar voice yelling “What the bloody hell?” Then he appears, blinking in the sunlight, sporting untamed curls, the scruffiest beard she has ever seen on him and an orange jumpsuit. After he stops blinking from the light and dust, their eyes meet, and Jemma runs to him to embrace him tightly. Fitz hugs her back, holding on for dear life and she can feel on her neck the moistness in his eyes. “I missed you so much” he murmurs.

Daisy discretely coughs “As much as I find this lovely, we need to move, guys. We are trying to spring Fitz from the prison, after all.” Fitz quickly pulls her into the hug too, and then they take off running towards the warehouse, where Mack and May are waiting with the Zephyr.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jemma and Cardigan Fitz talk about past, present, future, pressing concerns like saving the world, as the future loops back into the present.

"What's going on, Jemma?" he looks at her confused once the Zephyr takes off from the military warehouse amidst gunfire from the ground. "Why did you disappear and how did you find me?"

"Well, the short version is that we were sent to the future and you told us there exactly how to find you." she replies.

"The future…of course, why didn't I think of that? I suppose you used the TARDIS that is on our dresser…" he remarks sarcastically, while his eyes are asking her the silent question if she is pulling a prank on him.

"No, I'm serious Fitz. We were kidnapped from the diner, sent through a monolith to the future where Earth was destroyed. You came after us, frozen in a cryo-pod. Now we are back, and we need to figure out what caused it and how to stop it." she says, and _we got engaged while we were there by the way_ she adds only in her head, thinking that this is already plenty for him to process. "I'll give you the long version later – this particular rabbit hole is pretty deep, Alice."

"I always pictured myself as the Cheshire Cat.” he quips then after a beat of trying to process her words he asks, incredulously “Wait, I went there?"

"Yes, you swooped in and saved the team." she says teasing him with the smile, putting her hand on his shoulder, but then adds when she sees his doubtful expression. "Really, you were the hero."

He looks at her surprised. "Yeah?... Well, back here, it felt like I was the villain the whole time" he says with self-depreciation, his voice trembling slightly with dark undercurrents. He can't seem to hold her gaze and quickly looks away.

Jemma suppresses a sigh and an eyeroll. She has been so happy that he seemed to have been over his self-flagellation over what happened in the Framework. Apparently, here in the present past, he wasn’t quite there yet. After a beat she asks with concern "What did they do to you, Fitz?"

He shrugs "Nothing drastic. I was kept in a small cell; it really felt like divine retribution or karma if I were inclined to believe in such things... Anyways, they allowed me to try to help find you, not that I got anywhere with that and to watch soccer. I also did push-ups." then his voice trails off. "It wouldn't have been so bad, but I was so worried I'd never see you again. I was afraid something terrible happened to you, to the team."

He is trying to hide his anguish, but Jemma can imagine all too vividly what their abrupt disappearance must have done to him. “Keeping you for 5 months in solitary at a black military site is not nothing. So, they never charged you with anything?"

He scoffs as he paces up and down in front of her. "No, due process was not really a priority for them. I tried to contact Hunter, but I guess he's never got my messages."

She puts her hand on his shoulder and looks in his eyes. "You know why they didn't charge you, Fitz? It's because you have done nothing unlawful."

After a moment of silence he turns away a little and shrugs. "I guess, technically. Still, it doesn't feel like it." He just stands still, deep in thought and Jemma waits for the inevitable question to come once the wheels in his brain are done with sorting through everything she just told him. Finally he looks back at her and asks. "So did I die there?"

Jemma bites her lips before answering. "I don't know. When I last saw you, you were about to hold off an army of aliens so we can all make it back. There was no talking you out of it, Fitz…

"… I didn't want to create a time paradox." Fitz nods, finishing the sentence for her, staring at the ugly white, standard issue prison shoes he’s wearing.

 

+++++

 

After he emerges from the shower and walks into the little lab on the Zephyr, dressed in a simple white T-shirt, faded blue jeans and wrapped in an old, grey wool cardigan, his beard trimmed back and his wet hair curling in every direction Jemma is speechless for a moment; because he looks so much like the space marauder Fitz she met in the future, but at the same time also like the awkward, brilliant boy who used to come around on weekends to her room unannounced at the Academy in the past that seems so distant now.

He looks at her, his blue eyes are maelstrom of emotions; swirling with love, longing, adoration, apprehension and pulling her down into the depth of his soul. They are alone, finally, and it shouldn't make them nervous, but they are. "Jemma…" he starts finally, his voice croaking as he struggles for words… "I…" he starts with a sharp breath, but then he chokes on the words and looks away "...I missed you so much…" he says finally after a moment of silence and she is a bit disappointed.

She wants to shake him, to tell him to just simply say the words they both crave – but this no longer feels like she is in the middle of the cheesy plot of one of the sci-fi shows they used to watch together curled up on the sofa – this is their real life again, where they are stuck in a pattern with a complex history, unprocessed traumas and a long string of unsaid things. So instead of saying _marry me_ , she simply replies "It is so good to see you, Fitz."

Then she steps closer and puts her hands on his arms, which are definitely toned although maybe slightly less than she remembers. She leans closer, takes in his familiar scent, though now she misses the overtones of leather she has grown used to in the past _(future?)_ days. For a split second he is motionless, then he breathes out a shaky breath and kisses her softly, a bit hesitantly, his eyes half closed, his expression almost reverent, before he relaxes slowly melting into the kiss. It’s their first kiss since the Framework, at least in this time, and while it is sweet and tender, Jemma remembers with a pang of longing those hot, scorching kisses from the future, full of passion and purpose. She immediately feels a bit guilty – as if she's betraying him in some way – but cannot help screaming internally at the absurdity of it.

Fitz steps back, looks at her almost apologetically, as if asking if this is OK. Jemma smiles at him reassuringly. He sits on the edge of the lab table, arms crossed on his chest and looks at her “You should tell me the whole story.” He listens motionlessly as she tells him about the future world, the Kree, her enslavement, his magical appearance - _omitting the proposal again for a reason she cannot quite explain to herself_ – and their race to get back into the past. He cocks an eyebrow at the mention of the Gravitonium.

“Gravitonium? Really?” his hands come alive as his gestures accompany his thoughts “If anything explains an Earth torn apart from the inside, I’d rather start there than with Daisy…”

Jemma nods. “That’s what I thought too. But think about it – the amount you would need. And, where do we start, even?”

“Our old files, of course.” he says.

“I’m sure the military took them…” Jemma counters. “and we just…

“Yeah, but I’m betting that they have not found the backups in the offline server room we built.” Fitz interrupts excitedly. Then she remembers their little side project and almost blushes at the memories.

“But how do we get in? The base must be under surveillance, especially now that you have escaped.” she argues.

“Or they don’t think we’d be stupid enough to go back to a burnt-out base that's been stripped clean. In any case that’s our best chance. I’ll go with Daisy and Mack – she can hack into whatever surveillance may be in place…” he says as he starts rummaging around the lab, looking for things to pack for the mission.

“Whatever happened to you not leaving my side ever again?” she snaps suddenly.

He halts mid-motion and looks at her surprised, expecting her to say something else, but when Jemma just purses her lips he says lightly. “You know that I don’t want to leave you, but this is our best chance. And didn’t you just say that I did the mid-air, James Bond kind of jump shot? This really should be a piece of cake…”

She doesn’t find his attempt at humour quite so amusing, but simply places her hand on his and says quietly. “Just, be careful.”

 

+++++

 

She hears his footsteps down the corridor. Something about the spacing, the slight shuffling of the feet – she would recognize their familiar rhythm anywhere. They sound the same as they did in that future life that slipped away with a version of him. He emerges, clad in black tactical gear and Jemma’s heart skips a beat, because she has always found him irresistible in his field outfit, as much as she has always hated the worry that engulfed her every time he went out there.

He enters the room and triumphantly drops a duffel bag on the floor. “Got the hard drive.” he says “and guess what else...”

Jemma almost squeaks with joy when he takes out her favourite picture of them together. They kneel next to the bag, which is a true treasure trove of memories of their common life together; tiny trinkets that act as signposts for the long and winding path that despite its treacherous loops brought them together again, into this moment.

“The room was in a pretty bad shape, but I salvaged what I could.” he smiles at her proudly. Jemma's lips open in a wild smile, and for a moment they are two excited kids again on the verge of a new, ground-breaking discovery.

Fitz's smile is slowly replaced by a more serious expression, and he bites his lips a little before he starts talking hesitantly "You know, while I was locked up, I’ve been thinking about us a lot. I was so sure at first that the curse was back. It felt like I deserved it." Jemma wants to jump in to reassure him, but with a wave of his hand, he continues "But then I realized something; that maybe I’ve been looking at it all wrong. That maybe what’s important is not that we have been separated by galaxies, realities or time or that we were left to die on the bottom of the ocean. What is really extraordinary, that somehow, we have always found a way back to each other. That this…" he gestures to the space between them "…our love is stronger than any curse." Jemma's heart is in her throat now, because even though technically they are engaged already, it is happening here and now.

Fitz continues without noticing the feelings rushing over her as he struggles with his own emotions trying to get the words out. "Or maybe the curse was just always waiting too long to say or do things. And I know this is not a good time, with the world ending and being on the lam, but I feel that together we can get through whatever else life may throw at us. Because together we are unstoppable. And" he breaths out shakily he says looking directly in her eyes "I don’t want to live another day without you.”

Jemma can't contain herself any longer and she tries to interrupt him to tell him that she feels the same “Yes, and…” ..

…but he holds up his hand pleadingly. “Jemma, Jemma, please let me finish for once.” She falls silent and he looks at her with a loving smile “So, Jemma Simmons will you marry me?”

“Absolutely." And she is a bit saddened by the fact that this is a private joke he will not get, but then she is swept away by the joy of the moment and continues playfully "and by the way, I asked you first – we were already engaged in the future…”

Fitz furrows his brows at that… “Wait now, why did you not tell me… and anyways, if you asked me in the future, how could you be the first?”

“Oh, just shut up.” Jemma knows when to stop an argument before she loses it, so just leans in and silences him with a kiss.

He produces a ring from his pocket, and slips it on her finger – a simple, but beautiful design that fits her perfectly. Then she realizes that his eagerness to go back to the old base may have had to do with more than just the hard drive. Jemma raises her hand never realizing until this very moment how much she wanted this. "It's beautiful. How long have you been hiding it?"

"I've wanted to ask you for quite a while now." he says simply, holding her hand and his gaze fixed on the ring.

"I would have said yes" she smiles and cups his face before kissing again.

 

+++

Jemma nestles her head contentedly on Fitz’s chest, listening to his even breaths and steady heartbeat as the rush of their love-making slowly subsides and they are engulfed by the warm cocoon of being together, being home.

“So tell me, what kind of wedding you planned?” he asks smiling, stroking her hair gently.

She almost laughs and cries as she thinks back to their conversation on their last night in a distant future they'll never share “What makes you think I planned one?” she asks playfully, sticking to the script.

"Oh, come on, Jemma. When it comes to preparation, you are absolutely unbeatable. It’s an attribute of yours that I first found really annoying, and then I learnt to profoundly appreciate…" he punctuates his words with soft kisses.

She looks at him and thinks that she will never find the words to express how much she has, does and will love him, in all his infinite permutations. But at least, she'll have a lifetime to show him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted Fitz to use similar dialogue than future Fitz, but not exactly the same. I guess, he's thought about his proposal, but still keeps polishing it. 
> 
> If you are interested in my headcannon for the offline server room, I encourage you to take a look at Chapter 12 of 4,772 Hours of Happiness http://archiveofourown.org/works/12383043/chapters/28171431


End file.
